Tuesday, June 3, 2014

My coolness was inherited.

Nothing like a visit from your mama to make you realize you aren't quite as immune to home sickness as you thought. Turns out, I had reallllllly missed her. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be capable of willingly spending every hour of every day for a month attached to my mom I would have scoffed enthusiastically in your face... then I would have slapped you for silly fibbery (totally a real word). But when I was fifteen I thought I was waaaay too cool for my mom. At twenty-five I am certain of that now, but can appreciate that my coolness was inherited. That being said, 24-7 with one person for a month is absolutely absurd and unreasonable to think possible without a minor scrum here or there. We weren't perfect but we were close, and I wish I had another month just like that one.

I was particularly fond of my bullet point format implemented in the previous entry, so I am going to continue with that for at least this next post as I think it will be handy in recounting the last month. Settle in, this will be lengthy.

-I recall being supremely confident in my mom's dramatic airport scene upon her arrival. Turns out I shouldn't have been. There were NO tears. Two years I don't see this woman and I can't even get some misty eyes action? Unbelievable.

-Vakidis (the sausage dog I'm mildly obsessed with) jumped ship on me as soon as my mom walked in the door. He followed her everywhere and even slept in her bed at night. Traitor.

-I took my mom to Bali the day after she landed. If hindsight is 20/20 then I can say confidently how idiotic that was. Poor mom had barely survived her 20+ hours of travel only to jump back on a plane and go somewhere else. But she was a trooper and we made it without any problems.

-Ever been to Bali? It. Is. Hot. But like the gross kind of hot where you've just completely given up on staying dry as you stew in your own pool of sweaty soaked clothes. Bali is great though. You should totally go.
-We did a lot in Bali: massages, pedicures, spent time at the beaches, had drinks with my friends who were also visiting, shopped, parasailed, took heaps of selfies, and got totally legit tans. BUT, if I had to pick our favorite thing, I think it was lounging at Potato Head. That place was awesome--so awesome we went two days in a row. To do what, you ask? Lay. Best lay of my life, and most expensive ;)

-We went to the local water park, Waterbom, with my friends who were also in Bali.  We made my mom go on the scariest ride, Climax, straight away. You step into this glass tube casing death-trap thing, and right away you'd give your left leg to not be in there. Then there is a countdown--3...2...1 and the floor below you slides away and you plummet. It's fantastically frightening. My mom screamed the entire way down and around the tube. I think I even heard her inhale deeply just so she could scream for the entire duration of the ride. All the sweating was suddenly worth it.
-My mom prohibited me from sharing the above picture but it's just too hysterical not to and I'm an adult now so you can't tell me what to do (don't be mad--I'll totally take it down if you want).

-We absolutely applied 50 proof sunscreen like it was our jobs. We absolutely got glowing tans anyways. What can I say, some people just absorb the vitamin d better than others. It's a gift.

-This one time, I refused to get a taxi home cause I was sure I knew where we were. I did not. Three hours later, dehydrated and pissed off, our blistered feet called BS on my navigational skills and we caught a taxi home. The taxi ride was twenty minutes. Not. Even. Close.
-I don't have proof cause I didn't have my phone on me, but mama parasailed like a boss.

-We celebrated my mom's birthday in Bali. It was awesome. And after five days in paradise we had to leave. It was time for her to experience Australia.

-Sooooooo I introduced my mom to some Kangaroos. She LOVED them, no surprise. They loved her too... this one guy in particular, if you catch my drift. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. Mortifying. We got a good laugh, but mostly because we were both confused and stunned. Here's a little peak into that delightful day, minus the overzealous roo.

-We went 5-0 while my mom was here. And we won our game last week. So, that moves us to 15-0 on the season. I can't explain how cool it was to play in front of my mom again. Everyone from the club wanted her to sit with them during the game at the bar, but Jan sat in the grand stand, by herself, 100% focused on me and the game. #1 fan.

-The weather, unfortunately, wasn't great in Australia while my mom was here. So we didn't spend a ton of time at the beach, but we still snuck in a few long walks during sunset and put our feet in the water. It was one of my favorite parts.

-I wanted to do something special for my mom before she left. Without much thought (other then "how effing cool) I booked my mom and I for swimming with dolphins in the wild. So my mom and I both get seasick. Violently. Oversight on my part. We took our motion sickness medicine and prayed for calm seas. As we walked along the dock toward our swaying boat that morning, it started to rain. Brilliant. It actually turned out to be an amazing experience. We got to swim with about 6-7 wild dolphins for a few hours and the rain stopped. Even more thrilling, neither of us threw up! Happy days.

-My mom was my rebounder while she was here. That was interesting. She also did some shooting. It just so happens I have a bit of footage. This should prove once and for all where my athleticism is born from.
-Some friends from work and the team organized a girls night out at a male strip show. Again, without much thought, I agreed for my mom and I to attend. Yikes. Surely even a second of consideration would have raised some serious red flags. What happens in Australia stays in Australia. Yep, that's a saying somewhere. I won't spend too much time on this, but I will say it was shocking. And I love my mom, but I couldn't imagine wanting to attend something with anyone less. It's really not the bonding opportunity you might envision. Appalling. We did have fun dressing up together though.

-Okay one more thing. She will deny it, but my mom was picked out of the crowd by one of the strippers and danced on. It was like a bad car accident--I really wanted to look away but felt compelled to stare instead. She later got her groove back on the dance floor. I immediately understood why I have ZERO rhythm. 0-2 here mama (kidding). She's got some serious moves.

-My mom flew all the way to Australia and I reckon her favorite part was watching Game of Thrones in the theater room with Ryan (coach), Vakidis and I. She can be a bit obsessive when it comes to shows. She gets it from her daughter.
-This one day, we were bored, so we played this game called "heads up". It's phenomenal if you don't know what it is. You do impressions, act stuff out etc while the other person guesses, meanwhile the whole thing is filmed. Neither of us were very good. I was worse. I've provided a video.

-There were so many people that were so good to my mom while she was visiting. They bought her drinks at games, took her to dinners, kept her company when I had to train, and made her feel at home. Even more incredibly, my coach Ryan let her move in and stay at his house, too. I won't pretend I am an easy house mate--I know how revolting my shoes smell--but he invited her into his home as well. The both of us...together. Brave man. That's Aussies for ya. And that's why I love em.

I'm sure I've left some things out, but those are certainly the highlights of her visit. I still can't believe how fast it flew, it was remarkable, but I'll cherish that month my entire life. Dropping her off at the airport was impossible. I considered sabotaging the airport ride so she'd miss her flight. Gimme a break, it was 3am, I wasn't at my best. She was a champ though. Honestly, I think she cried more hugging Vakidis good-bye. Needless to say, it was an emotional last twenty-four hours together. But it was an absolute thrill having her here. I miss you mom!

It's been strange not having her around this past week or so. I got so used to doing everything as a team.  And poor Vakidis has accepted that he is stuck with me again. He has begrudgingly moved back into my bed. I feel cheap somehow.

Back to business as usual now. As I mentioned, we won this past weekend and are now 15-0. We play again this Saturday and after that only 6 games remain until playoffs. I haven't signed yet with a team in Europe, but I do intend to go back after season here. I'll keep ya posted. Until then, happy June everybody! Time sure is flying.


  1. This is too much to handle. So much to comment on!
    The videos were hi-la-ri-ous.
    - It was a real thrill to hear your voice. That's something everyone else probably doesn't think twice about but it caught me off guard in a real nice way.
    - You have to do your Mom's cute little victory dance after her swisher. So cute! (and it's that cuteness that won the little shnausage's heart)
    - I Googled "kangaroo boner" and immediately (and forever) regret it. Good God in heaven that must have been the worst thing ever in person.
    - And then! Not satisfied with tormenting your nice Mom, you take her to a strip club.
    - Sami Tours: The Full Monty everywhere you look.
    I'll relent in a second, but you have to admit that's a lot of boy parts in a short amount of time. And like half of the team was there. Are Australian girls depraved or perhaps there was more to that club than schlongs a-go-go.
    - Dolphin swim was cool. And Bali. What a great trip. So happy for you.
    -15-0 !!! I got busy and had forgotten to check your standing. awesome sauce!
    - It's moving how much you love your mum. You're a good person.

    - Eric

  2. Wow, thanks, Sami for posting that. I feel like I was there a little bit. I can see it all in my mind's eye. I hope you're there next year. DF and I want to come!

    I am so, so glad you and your mom had such a great time. It makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. :)

  3. This is easily one of my favorite posts you've ever written. You two are lucky to have each other. (Awesome pictures and awesome writing, as usual.) Miss you, Sam!